Stromness Dragon

Further to Landlady’s property search and the coming onto the market of the island of Little Cumbrae, I feel the time has arrived for the good citizens of IB to come together and establish an island paradise off the west coast of Scotland. Republic, or benign dictatorship? Parliamentary democracy or anarchist state? You decide! Oh, hang on…..

Like any community, the secret of success will be in the diverse talents which the inhabitants will bring. I respectfully suggest the following roles (and like any good island there shall be a fair amount of multi-tasking)! 

The Landlady – the Queen, and animal immigration officer. Somebody needs to decide what species are allowed in the flat. Sorry, island.

Arnish – In charge of ferry sailings, and returning officer for any subsequent referendums. Referenda. Whatever. 

Taddoe – Overseas correspondent and knitting advisor. That’s some commute, eh?

Flying Cat – Cultural attaché – a fitting representative of everything IB stands for. Will also appear on coat of arms, with Marmers, as heraldic supporters.

FX – Co-ordinator of alternative health practitioners, and court jester to cheer us up when we feel down.

 Les – General factotum and protector of the Common Weal. And keeper of the ceremonial beard trimmer.

 Effin Grannie – religious facilitator, ably assisted by honorary IBer and itinerant spiritual advisor, Peter Owen-Jones (AKA the Blessed Petie).

 Fred – Catering department. Oh yes. Catering for all needs.

 Moo – Animal husbandry, and in charge of island crèche, for any blogbabies lucky enough to be born into the bosom of IB.

 Hermit – Defence. No firearms allowed of course, just bows, arrows and crossbows. Hermit will also make sure we are all warm and snug due to an abundant supply of sheepskins.

 Stromness Dragon – as for myself, I am fully prepared to take on the mantle of entertainments organiser. May I suggest for starters, a regular film night? I would also instigate a ‘dress-up Friday’ programme, when once a week islanders would abandon their usual uniform of boiler suits, rigger boots/wellies, fleeces, thermal undies etc and instead put on outfits bedecked in bells, glitter, fringes, tassels, flowers and bright colours. Once a month there shall be a bloggers’ review, featuring all inhabitants who wish to share their talents, be it belly dancing, fiddle playing, poetry reading, Gregorian chant or stand-up comedy. Art exhibitions will be ongoing.

There are many more IBers still to be allotted their tasks. Any suggestions?

Oh yes, one last thing. What shall we call it? Iberia has already been used, I’m afraid!

Tags: Island Blogging, Little Cumbrae

 So! The advert went into the paper.

‘Shall we put in the £1.00 or less bit?’

‘No, people might think it’s bruck’

‘Erm, it is bruck.’

‘Yeah, but good quality bruck.’

‘What about the free tea and coffee?’

‘Are we really going to make people cups of tea?’

‘Yep. And they might get a biscuit, too.’

‘How many words is Sat/Sun?’

At 25p per word this is not a decision to be taken lightly.

We put posters up around the West Mainland, emailed everyone we knew, and shamelessly plugged it on IB. The weather forecast was awful. Westerlies, prolonged periods of rain, and guess which way our garage faces? We did have a plan B, which was to keep the big garage doors shut and take folk in through the lower shed, which would have involved having to climb a small wobbly step-ladder. In the event, we just coped with howling gales - it didn’t seem to put anyone off!

We spent most of Thursday and Friday setting it up, opening boxes and giving things a bit of a dust. I kept finding things that I liked, but was firmly reminded that this exercise was not about discovering lost treasures, but was instead about getting some space back in our garage, so we could use it for other things. You know, like putting the car in it.

A good friend and collector of all things old and/or Orcadian assured me that he would be a very good customer, but he couldn’t make it at the weekend, and was there any chance he could pop by on Friday afternoon? This is an old ploy, readers. Get there first, get the good stuff. We occasionally did car booties in Edinburgh and most of the business would be done even before the public got in – and that was without opening your boot! We also had a couple of phone calls asking the same thing - could they come early? – turned out to be mart regulars and folk like us who do a bit of collecting, bit of ebay, etc. Best of all was the old feller who just turned up at the door at 10 o’clock on Friday morning and shuffled his feet. I explained kindly to him that the sale was tomorrow, and we weren’t ready yet. ‘Oh,’ he says, ‘it’s the morn?’ Hmmm.

Pal did turn up on Friday, bought a cracked cream jar, an old picture (pityer) frame, a couple of bits of crockery that we’d got from the Graemeshall sale, a vintage book of fiddle tunes and plenty of other bits and pieces. Even at our rock-bottom prices, he paid us enough to cover our advertising costs, bless him.

Next morning, the Saturday and first proper day of the sale. We set up the water boiler, brought through the milk, tea, biscuits etc, got a tin with a float. On went the halogen heater and Radio 4 and our first customers turned up at 9.45am. Apart from a 20 minute lull at about 12.30pm, we did not stop until nearly 5.00pm. Every time we sold stuff, we put more stuff out!

One chap bought more than 70 records. Another man relieved us of a huge box of Haynes car manuals. One lovely fellow, an accordion player of some renown, found a copy of the only album he didn’t have by the Wick Scottish Dance Band – said he’d been looking for it for years! Our presence was graced by FC’s PUs who dutifully stripped the shelves and had a biscuit or two. And no, that’s not them in the photos!

Sunday was a lot quieter. We still had some folk, mostly people that we know, so it was more of a social get together in a garage than a sale. I think most people came on the Saturday because they’d be thinking that all the good stuff would be gone by Sunday. In fact, we had many boxes in reserve, so the more we sold, the more stuff we put out. Sadly, no-one bought the vintage bed pan (of the ’slipper’ variety - much discussion ensued as to methods of heating before use).

All in all, it was well worth it. We cleared a little bit more space in our lives (there’s a sale at the mart in the middle of March – hey ho), and made a bit of cash. In fact it was so successful, we’re doing it again! Probably be the beginning of April, and we’ll probably just do it on a Saturday. Lots more stuff! Much cheapness! Roll up, roll up!

Tags: Orkney bruck garage sale bed pan